After being MIA for so long I am finally back!
My peeve at the moment is about "one uppers". For anyone unsure what a one upper is, it is an annoying person who responds to hearing someone else’s experience or problem by immediately telling a similar story about themselves with a much more fantastic (or terrible) outcome.
My husband has a few family members who seem to feel that they always have to monopolize the conversation and one up whoever was last speaking. For example, serveral years when we had a bad car accident quite a few years back the conversation didn't even really have a chance to start before we started hearing stories of worse car accidents than ours. In fact, we were never even asked "Are you okay?" or "Did anyone get hurt?".
Fast forward now to the future...husband is not very close to his family because of this. Husband may only talk to his family a couple of times a year because this. His family won't bother to ask how we are (or husband for that matter) and husband says he doesn't even bother because if he does he will only hear about a story about some stranger with a worse or better situation.
I really don't understand one uppers? What is it that they just can't stand to really listen to anyone's story and either be happy or sympathic with that person. Why is it that they have to come with a story to make you feel like your story was not at all important? The funny thing is that seem they always seem to have a story even if it is about a friend of friend's that they are talking about.
So here is a little to advice to anyone out there who might like to one up everyone...stop one upping! In fact more people may actually want to talk and/or listen to you if you don't one up them all the time. Not everyone telling you what is going on their life is bragging or looking for sympathy. You might be surprised to find out that some people may be just trying to have a conversation with you and are telling you the latest news. People may even stop to ask about what is going on your life and even if nothing exciting is going on, you won't be looked down upon. You may not know this but sometimes one uppers are often ignored even though you think that people are listening. If you only knew how many times I have sat around one uppers, tuned them out of my mind only to speak to other people and find out that they were doing the same thing...if you could read our minds only than do I think you would realize that wasted time one upping the previous story. People do recognize one uppers and believe me this is not a trait that very many people find interesting!
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10 comments:
Sandie,
Welcome back! :)
I think people who are one-uppers always want to look like the big shot. Everything they have or do has to be bigger and better than anyone else. I think it makes them feel important, but they don't realize that they come across to many people as being selfish and just a bullcrapper.
Once people get to know someone like that, that person is never taken seriously and whatever they say or do, it has no impact or influence to anyone. Everything is just taken with a grain of salt.
I don't know if I should post my comment or not. I don't want to look like I'm one upping but this describes my sister-in-law to a tee. She's always got to be sicker than anyone. Her husband pulled his back out and ended up in the ER. She actually said she knows he's in pain but her pain is worse. She loves to pull out her drawer full of prescription meds and show anybody who comes in the house.
We refuse to invite them over when we're having friends because she monopolizes the entire evening with tales of her illnesses, how bad her kids are and the list goes on and on and on.
I was diagnosed with diabetes 3 weeks ago and she actually had the nerve to tell someone "now that Dee's got diabetes she'll know what it's like to be sick" I can't get her to understand I'm not sick, I have a lifestyle changing condition but I'm NOT sick.
I really sympathize with you on this on. I'm not saying my SIL is worse but probably just as annoying. I guess every family's got one though and we still love her but lately it's from a distance.
Nice to see you posting again Sandie!
I think every family has a "one upper" lurking around and it certainly is very annoying trying to tolerate them and their "one up" stories.
I think people like that are very self centered and think the whole world revolves around them.
Dee,
I am glad you posted and I didn't take it at all that you are one upping me. ;) I can see why you would think that posting your story may come across as one upping me but it didn't come across to me that way at all. I also know that many other people know one uppers as well and feel that it is our time to talk about them. Maybe the one uppers will feel that they are getting noticed. LOL!
In fact if anyone else out there has stories about one uppers I hope they post their stories as well.
Sophia and Shelly,
Thanks for the welcome back! :) I missed you two! :)
Thanks Sandie. Talking about my sister-in-law causes arguments between my husband and I. It's not that we disagree, in fact we both agree that she's a nutcase and as he calls her a Prima Dona and thinks the whole world revolves around her. It's when we're agreeing that the arguments start because it's just so stressful.
When she calls we argue over who HAS to answer the phone and by the time we decide it's too late and she's hung up or it went to voicemail. If we have to call to tell or ask her something we'll bargain and make deals to get the other one to make the call.
It's funny but also very sad.
Dee,
I am lucky in my case because husband's family members do not call often. In fact we argue over me telling husband to call his family. I have to work on husband a few months just to get him to call and I only do this because even though the one upping is very annoying-I know he really loves his family and I don't want him to regret not speaking to them.
Glad to see you again! Hopefully we will see ya on the forums again soon too!
Sandie, I came to the conclusion a long time ago that people in general are often unaware of how they may be perceived by others. I struggle sometimes with acceptance of these imperfect beings whom I also tend to judge. I think there is a hidden lesson about such people who besides lacking awareness probably also lack self esteem. Now that I've analyzed the hell out of that I did enjoy your post because is is so true.
Thanks for your comment gaf85!
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